At this point, there's really no reason why Daniel Bryan can't just wrestle for the full three hours of RAW. Just put him at the top of the show and let him face every single guy in the locker room. Wind him up and watch him go. The bearded dynamo.
So the last 40 minutes of RAW belonged solidly to Daniel Bryan. The first two hours belonged to jack s***, unless you count the Brie Bella nip slip that managed to cripple the internet. Yes, somehow, someway the Bella without breast implants managed to explode out of her top. What a country. Something to do with Austin humidity, nipple tape and the Pagan God of Unintended Non-TV PG Distractions saving us from a horrible segment involving all the E! show Divas on sitting on stage and not talking.
Not sure if the 'drobe malfunction is what caused the segment to end early or if it was designed to be stupendously meaningless, but I'll thank it anyway. Because if Jerry stood up there with those gals any longer, we'd have eventually seen a reenactment of the Jersey girls "traffic stop" car scene from Bad Lieutenant.
And while I get away with a lot of stuff here in the sacred halls of the Wrap Up, I'm not post that nip slip pic for you. You are going to have to go get your own copy of Hey Soul Classics.
By the way, you can read all about my super-quick trip to the new WWE Performance Center in Orlando here, but the two things I left out of my report were Michael Cole's little comment about about how much he knows that people are sick to death of him promoting the WWE App on RAW (we all have masters to massage) and the fact that I spent most of the hour-long press conference spaz-staring at Paige and Eva Marie because they be so pretty. Anyhow, during that Diva segment, Eva Marie slapped the puppies out of Jerry's mouth before he even got to do anything overtly-"Jerry." It was like some sort of preemptive strike for all the things Jerry was thinking quietly to himself.
Back to Daniel Bryan, who had three great matches last night - his second match, with Cesaro, being the surefire stand-out. Just an insanely good smash-mouth (semi) ROH-style bout that managed to wake the Austin crowd out of their sundowner dementia. Not that it was Austin's fault this time. They brought the cheers, and the signs, and were loud for the opening segment, but then they got (after being told Daniel Bryan would be in multiple matches) two hours of diddly derp. Christian facing Titus. Ziggler facing Young (again, he fought him on SD too), and Sheamus losing to Del Rio because of his gross-looking thigh mold. Seriously, that bruise looks like rot on yogurt.
Actually, it looks like Skeletor to me. Perched on his throne in Snake Mountain. Ordering Beast Man to stop putting the toilet paper on the roller upside-down. Seriously, Beast Man, it goes over and down, not under and up. IT'S NOT TOILET PAPER IN A ROCKET SCIENCE LAB!
So the contract signing went off fine, but the undercurrent here (which was also addressed later on with Vince and Triple H themselves) is that Vince doesn't like Bryan and doesn't think he deserves to be a champion because of his size. And because he doesn't eat steak. And isn't able to "keep a stable relationship." And because he's a same-side-sitter. And he holds his spoon like a sword instead of a pencil. And because he stands too close to the person entering their information at the ATM. And doesn't RSVP one way or another to eVites. There are just so many reasons. The question is though, will the Vince/Triple H feud continue to directly affect the Cena/Bryan match? I mean, Vince is still booking Bryan in "test" matches. Also, how will the Bellas come into play? Total Divas (which looks like the TV equivalent of a night-long battle between Indian food and a toilet) premieres this week and it'll have to come out on RAW that Cena and Bryan and both have a Bella in their corner.
As mentioned last week, Cena "choosing" Bryan was also an attempt to temper some of the boos directed his way - sort of mooching off Bryan's mega-overness. Then, last night, Cena came to Bryan's defense, giving Bryan a sort of "Cena Seal of Approval" - which is kind of like when your aunt "likes" your Facebook updates. No one needs Cena to play the condescending He-Man. In fact, it would be better if they gruffed him up a bit. As a matter of fact, as far as the Bellas are concerned, I'd love it if we found out that the real reason Cena picked Bryan is because Nikki asked him to. On behalf of Brie. And then it all comes out and Bryan gets pissed and thinks that Cena doesn't take him seriously. And then there's drama. And a reason for Bryan to be extra vicious to Cena during the match. And it creates a Bella rift. A BELLA RIFT, PEOPLE!
Punk, Ryback, AJ Lee and more on Page 2...
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